Becoming an author…or a mother (in every new or repeated season of it)…growing, into anything really…it comes with tension.

{insert 3 year old war cry for independence here} Atleast that’s what it sounds like at my house.

Or, if I dig down deeper I’d tell you it looks like fear, worry and doubts, ugly cries that threaten breath, and bursts of laughter too far in between.

The tension between “push” and “wait”, “moan” and “be still” in our laboring souls is just about enough to say forget it, except of course that would be crazy painful.

But then again we could just numb ourselves and hope for the best, right?

Or not.

In this position reality comes into closer view. I have often wondered why this has to come through pain in life, but these days I am just marveling at the trustworthy design. Stretching my arms up and out to heaven to learn to breath or laugh even in the midst of the raw. Learning to float.

Challenge changes us. For myself, I’d say I’m more like I was at five these days than I was at fifteen and oh so confident. Yeah, it looks like more temper tantrums and flailing about in the water but it also looks like a quicker apology and this really cool view of the sky, not to mention this amazing feather like feeling. It’s honest, it’s raw but more than that it’s me being ok with honest and raw, truly ok. Peace.

The truth is I’ve always strangely idealized “authenticity”. But I had to experience a lot of life and death to actually embrace it in myself. That was only my first step toward truly cherishing and receiving it in others.


I like living this way. I like floating.

A laboring woman does not produce the miracle, she receives it, discovers it, experiences it. Wonder. Joy deep down.

I didn’t ever want to forget this, so I wrote my book.


Thanks for reading! I’m planning on being back here next week and hoping you’ll join me. If you haven’t already I’d love it if you subscribed to my online journal below to get a note in your inbox whenever I write here. I’m really enjoying this process of linking arms with others towards the goal of real life and real love because I know together we’re making real art. I know it.


Persevering (and learning to float) with you!