Beneath undesired circumstances I was given an opportunity to make a choice. I have chosen to believe that to simply be alive is holy.
I choose this, not without a struggle today and maybe again tomorrow. But eventually this will get clearer, I know that because it already has, but not how I thought it would, not the way I expected.
A few weeks ago, I asked a question out loud to my husband. It had been swirling around inside for awhile, then it finally burst out, “Is this even worth it?”. It seemed without skipping a beat he rebutted with another question, “Is it worth it to you?”. I just stood there, knowing. Yes. Yes.
The clutter of fear and wrong definitions of failure were removed in an instant, one. more. time. However, before I asked that question, I was like a bird sitting outside a window pressing my chest against it, flapping my wings to get inside. His question in response to mine turned me around, and I could see the broad space waiting for me to fly again.
Later that night, I sat down to write at a little round table we have in our bedroom next to a window where we can see the sun set and rise. He came in and was sitting with a book on our bed. I turned and told him how what he had asked me had impacted me—that it was insightful and true and kinda left me wow-ing over him.
He grinned ear-to-ear and said, you know, it’s you who has helped me with that actually. Really? I drew closer now and laid across our bed curious to hear what he meant.
He told me of a time about a year earlier that he had been struggling with being satisfied with his art, it was just never good enough. As we spoke I guess I communicated the enough-ness of it to me, because it was enough to me, because I am amazed by him.
I love him. It’s awful how we most easily slough that kind of “enough” off isn’t it? “Oh you’re just saying that, because you love me”, we quip—without thought.
As though, that’s not good?
Too good to be missed
To be loved, to be accepted through the eyes of love—this is very good. We do miss it though. We don’t accept others loving us because we don’t accept loving ourselves. We have all these wacked definitions of what it means to be lovable, worthy, enough. Dare I say, lovely? Layer by layer, we must learn to receive a renewing, washing, of our thinking, our definitions, our view—our freedom.
This is everything because, what’s at stake if we don’t? If we can’t receive this for ourselves we’ll never be able to give this to others. We’ll be the bird outside the window, looking in at the shiny lights, beating our chests, knocking our head against the cold glass. All the while a cool breeze passing by as we toil in the heat—a breeze inviting us to be embraced by freedom.
In our fear, we lust after enclosed, suffocating spaces, not realizing our loss, because we’re too busy trying so hard ‘to be free’.
A cool breeze on a hot day to one can seem frightening and lonely, but to another it will be a welcome remedy to their wounded body from the struggle to live where they were never intended.
Often the difference seems to be what we’ve heard about freedom, what we’ve seen. We’re all listening to and looking at the stories of each other’s lives. Words and stories lived from the heart, enter the heart.
…faith comes by hearing… -Paul the apostle
There’s a Hebrew word for the covenant that a man and wife make with one another. It is nisuin and literally, it means, elevation, lifting up. In our own wisdom and striving, this gets so messed up, as though it is one of us being there for the other—but it’s always both lifting the other, lifting the other, lifting the other.
This is about us, this is beyond us. We rise together, as one—most especially when we honestly share our needs with each other, humble ourselves and receive the love that’s always been there for each of us. Humility is honesty not derogatory atrocity.
Humility says yes, this is worth it. I’m worth it. I’m loved, I’m enough. Prideful arrogance refuses to love or be loved.
We need eyes that can see beyond our own ideas of things. Even if no one has ever told you how lovely you are before, or maybe you never truly heard when they did. Today is a new day. And it seems to me a good day to fly.
Wholehearted wonder over God’s world and God’s words are the way to this washing of our minds, our definitions, our misconceptions and amnesia of the way humility and freedom and truth all go together…but we’ve lost wonder, we’re staring through windows at shiny things…but then, there’s a breeze.
I’m waiting and watching and praying and believing—you’re gonna fly. Because that’s what you’re designed to do, just being you. You have been created in the image of God and eternity has been set in your heart…if that doesn’t sound like flying?
Turning around, wanna come?
Hey! I’m glad you’re here, let’s journey onward together. Subscribe here, I’ll send a new post to your inbox a few times a month at most, as well as send you the first chapter of my prayer book, Pray, Like a Woman in Labor, because this is how I learned to fly and I want to share it with as many others as I can.